If finals week and an economic recession have you bummed out, then allow the Herald staff to re-ignite that light at the end of the tunnel for you. It’s the end of the school year, and between our last-minute projects and all-night cram sessions, we’ve come together to bring you the 2008-2009 Marsupial Awards. These annual awards are a Herald tradition in which we look back at the stories that shaped the past year at Western. Good or bad, we’ve got you covered.

To start things off, we bestow the “Nothing to See Here” Award upon the Western administration for October 22, 2008. They sure do know how stay cool in the face of such a monumental non-emergency.

President Ransdell gets his own keg. Now he can host dollar beer night at his house.

After last season’s success, the men’s basketball team receives the “Holy-Smokes-They-Actually-Won-When-We-Didn’t-Think-They-Would” Award. That will teach the Hilltopper faithful to not be such fair-weather friends.

Coach Ken McDonald doesn’t get an award. His $100,000 raise should suffice.

We give the Hot Rods a bucket of Kentucky Fried Cave Shrimp. Who knows, maybe that’ll be enough to get the Delta Tau Delta members out to some games.

To every Western student with a cell phone, we give an unlimited text messaging plan. Now we won’t have to pay to know about falling trees branches on campus.

The football team gets a quarterback, running back, linebacker, wide receiver . Hopefully that’s enough to win a Sun Belt game next season.

For the faculty and staff complaining about a lack of raises, we give a lesson from rapper The Notorious B.I.G.: “Mo’ Money Mo’ Problems.”

Western’s rabbit statues get a lifetime supply of condoms. Let’s hope that no more rabbits appear on campus.

Members of the Student Government Association get a math lesson. We think it might help them keep track of time and budget their money a little better next year.

Every student also gets a free movie ticket. Because we could all use a two-hour escape during this recession.

Those infamous “course shoppers” get their own credit cards. This should make their shopping experience much more convenient.

Greener Groundz gets a spell check. That’s just embarrassing.

To the great state of Kentucky, we bestow a whole crop of casinos. It’s about time the ordinary citizen helped make up this budget deficit.

Finally, the Herald gives out a shot to anyone who has to buy cigarettes or alcohol. May it ease the pain of higher taxes.

Thanks to all of our readers for a great year, and good luck on your finals.

This editorial represents the majority opinion of the Herald’s 10-member editorial board.