This is it. I’m done. No mas. Over.

After this column, I’m out of the business. No more funnies for me.

I know, I know. You all haven’t been this heartbroken since the discontinuation of the Old Navy tech vests.

Yeah, it’s pretty sad for me, too.

This column was all I had. It was my pride and joy.

It’s so hard for me to say good-bye, but I’ll make it through.

Excuse me.

*Takes a 30-minute weep break.*

OK. Much better.

This column brought me such great memories. To be honest, it got me more friends.

I was a square the first five semesters of my collegiate life. And I’m a square for using the word “square,” but that’s beside the point.

It was like a dream come true getting this column last semester.

I was like that kid in the Coke commercial with Mean Joe Green.

I kept begging the Herald to give me the column, hoping they’d see the light.

I was rejected on my first try. I was sad. I didn’t know what to do. Then the following semester, my editor says, “Hey, dork – you can have the column.”

Gleefully, I say, “Thank you, editor!” Because, clearly, we don’t call each other by our actual names around here.

And here it was. I couldn’t believe that I would be able to write stuff and be funny about it.

The more I wrote, the more natural it was to me. People would come up to me and tell me how much they enjoyed the column, and I thanked them and asked them to marry me. Then it got awkward.

My popularity was rising big time. I got several offers from different universities to go on a college tour talking about the power of success and how you can go from a nobody to somebody.

Just last week I received a phone call from Tom Cruise to read a poem for his and Katie Holmes’ wedding. It was scary, actually, because one minute he was laughing with me, then the next he was calling me a jerk. I may have to renege on the offer, Tommy Boy.

But even after all of this success, I couldn’t have done it without you, and by “you,” I mean the fans.

I’ve gotten nothing but great feedback from you all. My favorite is when Zach Galifianakis wrote me back in February.

I wrote a column last semester confessing my love for him.

A month later, he writes me back, saying he appreciated what I said to him, but he couldn’t marry me because he was already engaged to Dakota Fanning.

Ha. I thought he was joking until he asked me to be in the wedding. I was crushed.

What I loved most about this column is being able to say whatever was on my mind, whether it’d be about life, pop culture, cinema, music or anything.

You all accepted me when I raved about the glory of watching basketball. You accepted me for my non-sequitur humor. Most importantly, you accepted… me.

Before I reach the dead end of this road, I must say that this year was a tough year to choose my Top 5 albums of 2005. However, I can say that the Album of the Year is Wolf Parade’s “Apologies to the Queen Mary.”

It was very important for me to say that.

Take it easy, good people.

Good riddance.

Amber North is the Herald assistant sports editor and humor columnist. You can reach her at ambanorth@hotmail.com.