Good evening, darlings.

It seems that the older we are, the more we take on mindless, inconsiderate behaviors.

I figured the best way to help others is through my own advice column, Ask Miss Right. Not exactly Miss Manners, but you know. Yeah.

Dear Miss Right,

I’m a frequent concert-goer, and I always make sure I get to the venue early to be in front of the stage. But I always hate it when some morons come in out of nowhere and nudge their way right in front of me when the headlining act comes to stage. I figured if I punched them, I’d get charged for assault. Even when I explain that I’ve been there longer, they still don’t get it. What should I do?

Well, in situations like these, always come prepared. Next time, bring a back-scratcher, so when a rude concert-goer tries to get in front of you, periodically run the back-scratcher through the person’s hair and/or back, but be inconspicuous whilst doing so. The kid will be so freaked out that moving elsewhere is inevitable.

Dear Miss Right,

I love to play “devil’s advocate” whenever I have discussions, but my girlfriend says she hates it when I do that. But it’s not like I’m trying to be mean – I just like showing there are other sides to every argument. Is there a better way to do this?

Yes. It’s called “stop being so arrogant and egocentric, because the world doesn’t revolve around you and your stupid desire to prove people wrong, you dope.”

Dear Miss Right,

I’m a bad hugger. In fact, it’s gotten to the point where people opt to pat me on the back or give me a handshake rather than deal with my awkward hugs. How can I be a better hugger?

Hey, we all go through our physical detachment stage. I haven’t hugged anyone since 1996, and I’m ok with that. Sometimes you just gotta accept the fact that you’re gonna be bad at some things.

Dear Miss Right,

I read an article in “Details” that said at a certain age men should stop swearing. I’m 42 and I still curse like a sailor. Should I stop?

If you’re a father of children, yes. But if you’re a regular comedian on Comedy Central who still hasn’t gotten his big break, then no. Totally understandable.

Just stick to the funnies, Amb.