ur parents always told us to never sit too close to the television, or else we’d go blind.
It’d mess up our eyes by the time we’re 16. Our eyesight would be worse than Mr. Magoo’s.
But we didn’t care. We wanted to see “Looney Tunes” so badly that we had to make sure we could see and hear everything clearly. Hey, man – we were only 4 at the time. Who cared about the future?
Now I see why our parents didn’t want us standing so close to the tube. It wasn’t for prevention of going blind, but from making that darned idiot box a ruler of our lives.
Didn’t work.
In the present-day life of Amb, I realize about 96 percent of my conversations are pop-culture related. And that has always been the case since I was a wee bitty girl with baby teeth and fat cheeks.
My family told me I always had a knack for doing impressions. According to them, I would always do a skit from Robert Townsend’s “Hollywood Shuffle,” and they apparently enjoyed it. Most importantly, why was I quoting lines from an R-rated movie at age 3? But that’s beside the point.
Anyway, so from the start I was obsessed with TV. I didn’t just want my MTV, I wanted it all. Gimme the goodies, please.
And it’s catching up to me, too. Everything is related to a movie, TV show or song. I can’t go a day – no, not even 30 minutes – without a pop culture reference.
Whenever my friends and I have to suffice sitting at a bar in a packed Garrett around noon, I always say, “This reminds me of that episode of ‘Seinfeld’ when their usual table is taken and they have to sit at the bar. Everybody freaks out because it’s uncomfortable and they can’t joke sitting side-by-side, and Kramer keeps freaking out because he sat at the end of the bar and he kept saying, ‘What?! I can’t hear you!’ and…”
Then I just end it abruptly when I realize that no one caught that episode and I feel like a geek and sit in silence for the rest of the lunch while listening to The Stone Roses and Elliott Smith and weep to myself, wondering if anyone will ever understand me.
Sorry. Sometimes I get carried away when I’m telling stories and add things that never happens. It’s all about the imagination, baby.
And I know I’m not the only one who quotes movies randomly. Of course not. Don’t lie. There’s always those situations where the conversation gets dull to the point you whip out a line.
I usually try to squeeze a quote from “The Royal Tenenbaums” every week, but in the past few weeks, there hasn’t been a movie I’ve quoted more than “The Original Kings of Comedy.” I finally found someone who knows the routines just as well as I do, and it hasn’t stopped since.
There are even times when we repeat the same jokes, and yet, it’s still hilarious. And it always will be – at least to me. As you can see, it doesn’t take much to amuse me. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or bad thing.
But I’ve learned so much being born into the TV generation. Because of Lamb Chop I learned the fine art of ventriloquism. Because of Bob Ross I learned I could never dibble-dabble on canvas to make a beautiful scenery like he did. And because of J.Lo I learned how to dance with a cane in gray space odyessy boots. Yes, I’m referring to the “Get Right” video – what’s the problem?
What kills me is when people turn their noses up at those who watch a lot of television. Yeah, we have meaningful and profound conversations, too – but you have to admit, it’s much more efficient when you can tie in a pop culture reference. It makes the conversations more colorful.
Nothing is more refreshing than hearing a song or watching a movie you can relate to.
So have no shame, my dear heavy pop culture consumers. I feel you. I am there for you.
Everything’s connected. Dustin Hoffman said so.
Amber North is a humor columnist and Herald features editor. She can be reached at features@wkuherald.com.
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