‘m gonna pull a Seinfeld here and make this the column about nothing. Full of ramblings. Full of futility. Bubble. Pop. Electric.
For example, spring break was definitely needed. For the previous nine or so weeks, I’ve been running around like a jack rabbit. So my celebration was going back home and doing absolutely nothing. I was a total bum.
Speaking of being a bum, why did I do nothing but watch March Madness and stay up until 4 a.m. watching seasons three and four of “Sex and the City?”
My friend lent me season three, and I got so freaking hooked that I bought the next season. I saw a couple of episodes from each season a long time ago, and almost all of season six, but I never watched the previous ones in full. I literally watched 10 episodes in 48 hours. Craziness. I am so Carrie Bradshaw.
While we’re on the glorious subject of sex, I saw the greatest documentary in the history of life over break: “Inside Deep Throat.” Just by the title you can see that the movie was genius. It’s a look inside 1972’s porno flick, “Deep Throat,” which grossed $600 million, more than any independent film.
It was monumental. Jackie Kennedy Onassis even saw the film.
The documentary wasn’t just about the infamous scene from which the movie got its title, but it also discusses how a woman’s sexuality was and still is taboo and how this movie starring Linda Lovelace set the mark to focus on the importance of female orgasms. It was just a 97-minute joy ride of brilliance and awakenings. Dennis Hopper narrated.
Wow. That name hasn’t been relevant since 1969.
Speaking of fading to obscurity, whatever happened to Rick Moranis? I’ve always enjoyed that squirrelly guy. He brought joy to me as a kid with hits like “The Little Shop of Horrors” and “Honey I Shrunk the Kids.” Now his wallet has shrunken.
While we’re on the topic of shrunken wallets, that new Nation Wide commercial with M.C. Hammer is not only depressing, but pathetic. That’s just wrong.
It was all right seeing the most genius commercial ever when I was sitting through trailers for “Guess Who.” It was the new Spike Jonze-directed Adidas commercial where the guy wakes up and walks through elements of life. In the background, a dreamy-sounding Karen O of the Yeah Yeah Yeahs was singing a little ditty titled, “Whenever I Wake Up.” I have that commercial bookmarked and watch it at least five times a day.
And yeah, yeah, yeah – I saw “Guess Who.” There are times as a movie snob where you just give up waiting for great movies to come out and suffice to see a cheap thrill like that.
And I’m not gonna lie, I laughed hysterically at the movie. And it was actually decent. And Ashton Kutcher was actually not terrible. I learned that I can’t quit my job every time people roll their eyes at me. I’d never make any money.
Tuesday was a good day for Best Buy getting my money. I purchased one of my favorite movies of 2004, “Closer,” as well as Beck’s new album, “Guero” (which is great, by the way – never mind Pitchfork’s 6.6 rating). I haven’t been this anxious about an album since The White Stripes released “Elephant” April 1, 2003. Yes, I remember the date. I’m a nerd, OK?
N*E*R*D broke up. That’s crazy, man. I knew that “no one ever really dies” motto was too good to be true.
What’s sad, but true, is that Johnny Cochran, who was diagnosed with a brain tumor, died Tuesday. Rest in peace, bro.
Lil’ Kim – you’re on your own, babycakes.
The writer needs to refill her creative juices and will not be present for her “Art of Jokemaking” seminar tomorrow. Instead, she will show a “Charles in Charge” marathon. Enjoy.
Amber North is the Herald features editor and humor columnist. She can be reached at features@wkuherald.com.
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