alentine’s Day is quickly approaching and the loved and hated topic of romance lingers in the air. Some people prepare for a passionate gift-filled day with their significant other, while others prepare to be alone.
But who says that your special Valentine has to be an intimate partner?
There is another way for guys and gals to spend time together without pursuing a romantic relationship.
Platonic friendships.
The term “platonic” comes from the Greek philosopher Plato.
In a work called “The Republic,” Plato describes what he believes to be the ideal relationship, said Arvin Vos, philosophy professor.
Plato indicated that a proper relationship is one in which a man and his friend can act as father and son in a friendship manner, Vos said. It’s non-sexual.
Plato may have had a good idea, but for some, it is not as easy as it seems.
It is so hard that some people argue that this type of relationship does not even exist.
Jenna Brunett, a freshman from Brentwood, Tenn., said platonic friendships don’t work. She said she has tried being friends with guys before but it doesn’t usually work out.
“One person always likes the other person,” Brunett said.
The common problem that arises is when one or both friends develop deeper feelings for one another.
“In one sense, that’s the natural way for things to go,” Vos said.
Psychology professor Patty Randolph said the relationships a person becomes involved in are a result of his or her beliefs about gender roles.
“I think that how people experience friendship is largely learned,” she said.
Randolph said a major influence is siblings. A person who has siblings of both genders tends to be more comfortable with both sexes in a friendship context.
The oldest child, Randolph said, will usually conform more to the gender roles that his or her parents teach.
Heather Thomas, a sophomore from Warrensburg, Mo., said in her experience, both parties involved have to be able to view the other person as a brother or sister in order for it to work.
She said she has had platonic friendships before, but it is something that to be careful about.
“You’re never quite positive what the intentions of the other person are,” she said.
But despite the complications, platonic relationships can, and do, work.
Louisville sophomore Emily Hartman is in a relationship but still maintains other friendships.
“I have guy friends that I don’t have feelings for,” she said.
Hartman said it is important to ensure that everyone involved is aware of the situation. Dilemmas such as having a love-struck companion or a jealous significant other can be prevented this way.
But even if someone does develop feelings, the whole friendship is not lost for some.
“If the friendship is more important to them than a love relationship, then it can be maintained,” Randolph said.
Vos said platonic friendships are valuable. It is important to learn how to love in different ways: as a friend, family member or parent.
“I think that romantic love is grossly overemphasized in our society,” Vos said.
Cross-gender friendships lurk around every corner, but whether or not both people “just want to be friends” is left to be discovered.
Reach Mandy Mullins at features@wkuherald.com.
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